Laura Talks About the Importance of Social Support
About eight years ago, I experienced a lot of transitions in a short amount of time.
I got married, moved away from my family (with whom I am close), and had a baby
all within about a year and a half.
Although most of these changes were
essentially positive, I wasn’t feeling like myself. I had insomnia, I was
overeating, and I didn’t have the energy to do the things I normally enjoy, like
knitting and writing. I felt really lonely. Although I was never formally
diagnosed, I was probably depressed.
I really wasn’t interested in any
drug therapy, because I was still breastfeeding. Talk therapy seemed
overwhelming; just getting to a counselor’s office with a small baby seemed
harder than it was worth.
After confiding in a neighbor, she suggested
that perhaps getting out of the house and connecting with others might be, if
not a cure-all, a healthy thing for me to do. She mentioned a program that
matches young adults with elderly folks in our neighborhood. At first, I was
hesitant; thinking it might involve too much time, or might deplete my energy
even more. But I felt determined to find a therapy that allowed me to avoid a
“clinical” route. So I called the organization. This is how I met
Bobbi.
Bobbi was an eighty-two year-old woman who had lived in her home
for almost fifty years. She had one daughter, who lived abroad. Bobbi had some
mobility problems, and some blood pressure concerns, and she could no longer
drive. Other than that, she was quite healthy, not to mention sharp-witted and
friendly. She lived about a mile from me, so it was an easy walk for me and my
baby. The exercise turned out to be a valuable part of the experience, too.
Bobbi was the grand dame of her block. She knew everything about the
community, dating back for years. She told wild, hilarious stories that gave me
a sense of history about my newly-adopted city. In return, I would help her
with her laundry, take her grocery shopping and to the hairdresser, and to
events at her church. We usually met once a week, and spent most of the day
together, cooking, doing chores and errands, and just talking. She loved
playing with my daughter. Bobbi quickly became part of our family, and even
spent holidays with us.
Last year, after a short illness, Bobbi died. We
miss her, but I believe the experience of caring for another person (and being
cared for in return) was a healing thing at a hard juncture in my life. Some
people just think that it’s time that healed me, but I believe that the social
connection really helped. I am so committed to helping other people find this
kind of support that I now actually work for another “intergenerational match”
program. And I have also met Ruth, an eighty-six year-old lady who is quickly
becoming our family’s new “grandma.” I cannot recommend this type of therapy
strongly enough. Everybody wins.
A collaboration between:
