Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity minimizes the full range of human emotions and, while well intended, generally doesn't feel good to the person receiving it.
What is toxic positivity?
Toxic positivity is the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. It doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of it, and it generally isn't helpful.
Pain and suffering are uncomfortable not only to experience but also to talk about. However, it is important for your mental and physical health to express and talk about those experiences. Often times, people just want to help and will say things like "it could be worse" or "look on the bright side".
Positivity becomes toxic when someone is forced to be or seem to be positive in situations that it would be unnatural for them to be positive in, or when a problem exists that needs to be acknowledged before it can be dealt with. For instance, the diagnosis of disease or in preparation for scans and lab work.
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“Someone who is experiencing overwhelming feelings of sadness can’t flip a switch or jolly their own way out of it. Toxic positivity refuses to acknowledge their challenges. If we ask others to be inauthentic, that doesn’t build resiliency and relationships.”
Attribution
Mary Jo Kreitzer, University of Minnesota, Bakken Center for Spirituality & Healing
Impact of toxic positivity
Toxic positivity results in:
- Denial
- Minimization
- Invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience
In other words, it's an attempt to silence your pain and your authentic lived experience. Though these comments are generally well-meaning, and your friend or family member is trying to be helpful, not hurtful, it puts you in the difficult position of feeling silenced.
Consequences of toxic positivity
How to Identify Toxic Positivity
Signs you are experiencing toxic positivity
Do you think you are experiencing toxic positivity? Are you unsure? Here are some cues that might help.
- You feel the need to hide or mask your true feelings.
- You try to just “get on with it” by dismissing an emotion.
- You are guilty about what you feel.
- You feel minimized by the “feel good” quotes or statements.
- You struggle to accept perspectives like “it could be worse” instead of validating your lived emotional experience.
- You are shamed or chastised for expressing frustration or anything other than positivity.
- You brush off things that are bothering you with an ”it is what it is” type attitude.
Signs you are offering toxic positivity
Are you trying to offer support and help to someone who is struggling? Remind yourself that you don't need to make them feel better all the time, maybe you can help by just listening and validating their emotions. Here are a few common sayings that contribute to toxic positivity:
- It could be worse.
- The grass is always greener on the other side.
- Look on the bright side.
- At least you're out of the hospital!
- It will be fine.
- God has a plan.
- Everything happens for a reason.
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