Mindful Moment: How to be Fully Present When Listening and Have Wise, Resonant Speech

02/2026
Pond landscape in Indiana

Mindful communication is a skill that can be developed – allowing us to connect more authentically and deeply with others.

A Simple Five Step Process

In our daily conversations, we often rush to speaking. This process allows us to pause, reflect, and then intentionally choose to connect.

5 steps

  1. Start with a pause

    Take a breath, remember your intention to connect.

  2. Observe

     What is happening with your body, thoughts, and emotions? Invite a sense of ease.

  3. Listen deeply

    First to yourself, then the other.
     

  4. Trust emergence

    You don’t need to rehearse or figure things out, you can respond authentically as needed in
    the moment.
     

  5. Finally, speak wisely

Tips for Practicing Full Presence Listening

It takes energy and focused concentration to listen mindfully! It is a skill we develop and refine with practice.
Here are some points to keep in mind.

  • Relax and listen with your whole body. Orient yourself physically towards the speaker.
  • Focus your attention on the speaker. When your attention wanders, briefly bring it back to your breath/body and then return your focus on the speaker.
  • If something triggers a reaction in you, pause. Take a breath and acknowledge what is happening with your body, thoughts, and emotions. Perhaps give yourself some compassion for this difficult moment.
  • Watch your tendency to judge or evaluate. While this is something we humans all do, see if you can let go of judging and simply observe what’s present in the moment without having to judge, react, or create a storyline.
  • Listen to learn, not for rebuttal or rehearsal.
  • Ask brief, open-ended questions, as needed to help the speaker express themselves, driven by your desire to understand the speaker’s perspective.

Tips for Practicing Wise, Resonant Speaking

When speaking, remember your intention to connect, and come back to it, again and again. Here are some additional points to consider.

  • Consider listening rather than speaking if you sense the other’s need for being heard may be stronger than your own. Or ask explicitly who wants to start.
  • Consider summarizing what the speaker has just said (not parroting), prior to sharing your perspective.
  • Before speaking, reflect if your contribution is useful. Ask yourself, is what I am about to say: Helpful? Necessary? Caring/well-intended? Timely? True? If not, consider not saying anything.
  • Courageously say what matters most, revealing what you think and feel, to promote emotional resonance, authenticity, and connection.
  • Give voice to your emotions. Emotions often leak out in our non-verbal communication in confusing ways, so consider expressing them verbally.
  • Conduct “reality checks.” Explore your assumptions and biases (your humanness) with the speaker.
  • Acknowledge shared understandings and common perspectives whenever possible.
  • Practice mindful self-care. If you become distracted or triggered, allow yourself to slow down, pause, take a breath, and collect yourself.

Wise Resonant Speech Practice

Now that you've learned some tips, lets practice having wise resonant speech.

2 steps

  1. Personal Inquiry

    Mindfully pause and consider:

    • Presence – am I available to myself and others
      in this moment?
    • What is my intention - relationship/connection?
    • Does my intention align with my deepest values?

    What is called for now?

  2. Message Inquiry

    Mindfully pause and consider, is what I am about to say:

    • Truthful/Congruent?
    • Useful?
    • Necessary?
    • Kind or Caring?
    • Timely?
    • Connecting?

    What is called for now?

References

Heffernan, M. (2015). Beyond Measure: The Big Impact of Small Changes. Simon and Schuster, New York, NY.
Kramer, G. (2007). Insight Dialogue: The Interpersonal Path to Freedom. Shambala Books, Boulder, CO.
Rosenberg, M. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Puddledancer Press, Encinitas, CA.
Rosenberg, M., Chopra, D. (2015). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships. (Nonviolent Communication Guides). Puddledancer Press, Encinitas, CA.
Sofer, O. J. (2018). Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication. Shambala Books, Boulder, CO.
Stone, D., Patten, B., Heen, S. (1999). Difficult Conversations. Penguin Books, New York, NY.
Harvard Business Review Press. (2019). Mindful Listening. (HBR Emotional Intelligence Series). Harvard Business Review Press, Boston, MA.