Practices for Cultivating Tenderness of Heart in Difficult Times

During times of extreme stress and difficult emotions, it can seem unimaginable - or even undesirable - to rest in present moment awareness. It’s not uncommon to find ourselves wanting to jump to distraction or otherwise numbing ourselves when what we are experiencing is especially difficult or unpleasant. But mindfulness applied with kindness and caring can also be used to soften our weary minds and bodies, and instead  greet our difficulties with a tenderness of the heart. 

Mindfulness is awareness. It is awareness of thoughts, emotions, sensations and our interconnectedness with the rest of the world. Practicing awareness, the space of possibilities opens up. When under ongoing stress, there is a tendency to contract into old ways of seeing things and old habits of reaction. Being in the present moment allows the strain to be felt, but recovery comes faster when we allow ourselves to stay out of rumination and negativity. Taking a slow breath gives us a chance to pause and observe the moment rather than automatically catastrophizing about the future. Stressors happen in every life, and they can always be made worse by what we add on to them. Catching negative thoughts as they arise, we can reframe them before they draw out emotion and reactivity. 

The mind tends to wander into the future, the past, or to just fantasize. Practicing mindfulness provides an opportunity to experience the NOW, the present moment just as it is. Dropping below the busyness of the mind, through the sensory portals of the body, we open the channels of awareness. When we experience the bare sense of hearing, sight, smell, taste, touch, and proprioception, the position or movement of the body, we are in the present moment. The thinking mind tends to get involved by reflecting on the stimuli. The mind may wander off into the future or past, identifying, comparing, worrying, planning, or remembering. However, once the excursion is recognized, the awareness of the thought also becomes a path to present moment awareness. 

In mindfulness practice, the mind acts as a compass pointing the direction and setting the intention to pay attention. The attention is then focused on an object of attention, for example, the breath, the taste of food, the visual scenery, the body moving, or a specific body sensation. When the attention wanders off and it is recognized, this awareness then becomes part of the practice. There is no need to push anything away, not even the unpleasant. Mindfulness is an all-inclusive practice. Once a thought is simply acknowledged and not proliferated, it tends to dissipate or lose its intensity. Likewise, when we gently acknowledge that our attention has simply wandered off it can then be escorted back to the present moment.